this kick ass family is mine

you looking at us? huh? huh?

Yeah, I said it. This kick ass family you see above is taken.

We went to Daddy’s annual company picnic on Saturday and we owned it. We tore that place up. We came, we saw, we ate ice cream for dinner and drank countless diet cokes and Capital Ambers. We played the shit out of that ring toss game and came home with amazing amounts of prizes, both consolation and otherwise. we carved up that ice to make our own ice statue. Some of us sat in the seat of the old fire truck and touched things we weren’t supposed to. Hellz yeah, we did. Some of us got our faces painted with images that would terrify gang members; polka-dotted party hats and crudely drawn fishies swimming in the blue sea. Some of us conquered the giant inflatable slide, while some of us just cried or refused to try it because we were wearing a skirt. Ain’t no shame. That bouncy house will never be the same. The crafts tables piled high with left over Vacation Bible school craft projects (?!) will also never be the same.

The pinnacle of our terrifying reign was our family portrait where our bad-assness will forever be captured and I’ll say it: emulated.

Note the wall of lava behind us and how we don’t even flinch against its raging heat. Note the arson of latex weaponry. Note Daddy flashing our family gang symbol. Note the sturdy and comfortable footwear. Notice the poor camera work and the bafflingly bad picture quality.

Basically, you don’t want to mess with us. Not unless you’re cruising for a bruising

Or you want to offer to babysit for free; then you should totally mess with us.